this is a thing i did once. spring two thousand and nine time. the video is the music for see-through/not love/ants.
it’s kind of nice to hear these things again and not be totally ashamed.
about three months ago, i moved into a rented house after squatting for three years. on one of those first nights, i cried completely, pouring my heart out through the night into the arms of a beautiful friend, who held me in quiet silence until i could meet her there. i had put a playlist together with ∆sides∆ on the end. the song before finished with twenty minutes of silence, and i had forgotten it wasn’t the last, until i heard myself from three years ago, singing to me to not be worried and not be afraid. my friend didn’t know the song was me, it was a really personal intimate moment.
me three years ago didn’t know that one day i would heal deeply to my own voice. it was really powerful and free of arrogance and so for this reason i have decided never to be down on something that i create, and destroy it, because then i might never experience it’s true meaning or beauty. it took me three years to hear that song. the lyrics are –
i no longer wish to learn from you
you are not that source of love
you rocked
back and forth
i rocked
side, side, side
and every thing was filled with light
peace i leave with you
not as the world giveth
give i unto you
let not your heart be worried,
neither let it be afraid.