DANCEY MEAD

You’re a singing sprocket and I’m a flying bison
Oh who knows,
y’know we like the impossible
Cos really
You’re creaky, and I’m heavy

Dazzled,
Bedraggled in honey I
Fought and flew and climbed
To highest peaks, petals beneath
My thighs, brushed
And turning with the sun, their faces
become
Golden, and so do I
Carrier of the lusty crumb

I don’t need to be defensive anymore
Because I can be self assured
I don’t have to let anyone in
Just because they’re pressing

I don’t have to wait around
In hope that you will show forgiveness and love,
Your anger all appeased;
I can leave and carry on with life
I can carry life with me,
Shedding the shadows of hope and fear.

Hope is the flip side of fear
It’s desperation when you’ve nothing left,
Have nowhere to go
Either because you can’t or you just don’t know
How.

I don’t need to hope for anything different,
Because I can create the difference,
I can leave;
I am lucky
In that respect,
With awareness and gratitude I will use it –
I will get the fuck out of here
Without hope of you being different,
And without fear.

We come out from broken homes

No more family in these towns around, so

Out we go

out we pop to tiny lives

unconnected and without life

i stayed in the dark, i stayed inside

without a place to open wide

i’m afraid to go there now,

i’m afraid to go

and so i’ll go.

I forgive us
I forgive us
i forgive us

the days’re getting shorter
oh but i need the light
when you’re not here
sweet light
i need to feel connected,
not
dark and broken hearted

I burnt all my catalogued
Receipts of you and me
Our times of buying meat and wine
With busking money
And living in my caravan.
Benefit cheats
Complicit complete
-ly, you were, mine
We were
Ours
Deep fall
In love
Both meeting our own
Existential needs

Sitting here as I watch
You purge your thoughts
In this fire
I Am Here
right now
a single white feather
out of the fire.

This was my cave experience,
29     34     30
before, during, after.
After is now, as I watch yr blaze
on my anniversary
for my own lost love
My sense of home.

What are you telling me.
Saturday gig magrudergrind june the fifth
Dramatic solitary purging blaming

AND YOU ARE BACK
Why are you always back?
Do you need to be?
Can other people move on if you keep returning?
Hope less ly

Maybe this is my lesson
Not to go back.

Oh how I want to say goodbye to everyone
pouring over my maps inside
inside outside
outside inside

Lie on the floor and dream about me
draped over my bed and dream about me
broken heads cut through with honesty
broken parts for all the world to see

i miss everyone i used to know
and i know that one day i will miss you too
my loves, i know, it’s just the way it goes with me
flee

it all carries on
pritty homesick
what can be so important?
individual dramas, endeavours
I don’t understand
This city
How can something be so important
The trees are dwindling
The concrete is rising
I want a new perspective
Another layer
To add to my filter
Dots made out of smoke in the chimney
Everything is made out of dots
Either way
I would be here
Wondering what was happening.

It can’t rain here;
My throat is pregnant
With the upswell
Holding it all in
Always holding it in
I don’t want to be moving
I want it to stay where,
I can remain,
Unaware.

Oh Sweet Jesus,
The lip of the trench is heaving
with hopers and beginners.

Now I have someone who drums onto me
and doesn’t feel my heart beat
I fall into them out of despair
And so they can’t see my eyes.

I know that crushing feeling now
I imagine this is how you felt,
Holding on

Guilt and shame carress me now,
All the time
Loves open spaces
are grown over, with the weeds of
Regret and Sorrow
I scattered their seeds freely.

I
Want to die
But only
In the sense, that i
Want to be, deeply
Alone.

Solid, and rugged
Don’t match with me – my
Smoothness of cone
Inferiority.

In fear of awakening,
Of authority
Take me to the bone
beats. Reality

This is not a
question.
Everything.

not seen am i
have i no connection to the world
feel i no connection to it’s depths
lost and floundering am i
when i am in your eyes
but i rise to a place of sad solitude composed comfort inside

let go i
do not see me as for or against i
have little interest i in
either side of the fence, i
do not sit upon it’s changing line
either i
dig a hole or climb a tree and go inside.
dig a hole or climb a tree and go inside.