we have become so intense with each other, we have shared so much intensity, that sex can be relaxed. we have not had sex yet, we have made love countless moments, we have opened and cried and ruthlessly accepted no less from each other, and NOW our sex can be relaxed, it can be playful, it can be joyous, it can be so light hearted, and I have never felt this way before.
I have never been this way before, so keen to freely share and give my body to its’ purposes, to yours, to your purposes, to give and share and freely see what they shall choose to bring to each other. Because I trust you. I have shared that with you now, and I will continue to do so, but this feels like it can be a way that we can really relax around, all around each other.
When you left out of the caravan, I stayed in the exact same moment, the exact same spot, and felt my heart pulse warm electricity around and around itself, circulating, to its own magnetic sensation. I have not felt that sensation, ever or at all. This is all feeling so new to me. I watched the light waltz in and out of the fans reflective surface, and I thought that this must be the ebbing glow and flow from my heart as the outside world surely could not be moving that close in time with me. Maybe I have just started moving with it.
I did not have my glasses on and I felt like I could really see every molecule of light oozing through the space in front of me, as though I was watching an oil painting take form. I cried so slightly, as though the swell was just ever so slightly pouring out from my soul; but I could contain this, I could hold it, I can be with it and singly appreciate such subtly present moments of beauty.
We have been looking for a way to relax with each other, to save our talking, to relax, but we have not been able to do it because we have still be so searching, searching within each other for yet another corner to pour ourselves into, to shed light into every part and piece of us. I could not believe that we had possibly found something so beautiful, that enables us to relax from these moments of intensity and yet so utterly share each other still.
I feel like a child, who knows more about the soul and sharing than I ever did as this adult version of myself. This growing and acclimatising to the world has only grown me further away from the honesty of myself. You help bring me back to this place and to share it with you. We are so amazing. We have talked about everything and I want to talk about so much more with you. We forget to drink water, we can’t even bear to think of it. Because it would take us away from this intense joy we bring about in each other.
The funny thing is, there’s so much of me that still does not want this. And while turning my attention and deep listening to it, it makes me laugh gently as I see it, while I know that at the same time I am still going to let you reach that deep part of myself, so that I can carry me away on this awesome journey, with you.